Cardboard Continuity is a segment of our show that seeks to share the official mythology of the Marvel Universe. We will be illustrating these chunks of comic book canon with our absolute favorite incarnations: the authorized madness of original art sketch cards. These 2.5 by 3.5 inch wonderworks were all approved in the offices of Marvel Comics. This is the real thing.

Without further ado, we present the terrific tale of the New Avengers.

Kinda like the movie Heavenly Creatures, we begin this story at the end. Brian Michael Bendis recently revealed a thrilling truth: Squirrel Girl has been written into the myth of the New Avengers. How could such a dream actually come true? Let’s flash backward to the beginning.

Once upon a time, the Avengers got busted up by Marvel’s Civil War. Something about Scarlet Witch taking away all mutant powers and Captain America turning against Iron Man, it was a mess. When the dust settled and their marquee team had been disbanded, the writers saw an opportunity. Since it is physically impossible to have too many pictures of Spider-Man and Wolverine on the shelves of the comic shop, the New Avengers was born. Obviously Spider-Man and Wolverine were members.

Starting in 2005, the team took over the top ensemble spot in the Marvel Universe. The New Avengers have shifted the roster a couple times, but there have been a few constants. Luke Cage is their leader, and they have always enjoyed a large measure of blue and yellow spandex.

Another fan favorite flourishes in the current line-up, and it is about time he got some time to shine on his own. He is a New Avenger. He is the Thing.

The female quotient of the New Avengers has been fulfilled in a few fancy ways. As they enter their sixth year, the sizzle is provided by a magnificent Ms. Marvel.

And that is the core construction of the current New Avengers. Luke leads, Spidey spins, Wolverine woofs, Thing thunks, and Ms. Marvel causes deep fanboy sighs.

But where does Squirrel Girl fit in?

Our story ends with a glimpse into the future. Jessica Jones, also known as Jewel, is a former member of the team and the wife of Luke Cage. They have a daughter named Danielle. The superbaby is often the target of diabolical villainous plans, and she was already kidnapped once, so the New Avengers are in desperate need of the world’s greatest nanny. They will be holding an audition attracting dozens of potential heroic babysitters.

Squirrel Girl wins.

That’s the end of the story, and it is all true Marvel Comics continuity. We hope you enjoyed it, please come back again for more!

Artist credits: Captain America by Jeff Victor. Squirrel Girl by Dave Simons. Luke Cage by Adam Cline. Spidey by Newton Barbosa. Wolverine by Jeff Victor. Thing by Alex Magno, Ms. Marvel by Jim Cheung. Squirrel Girl by George Davis.

(Sketch cards from the collections of Rian Fike, scooterbizzal, sketchound, T-bone, and thuy, on sketchcollectors.com)